


Past Regrets

by carefulfrog



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, NSWF, Opening Up, brittannie if you want, but I don't ship them so, but then, ex talk, friends - Freeform, idk how, just go with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28436442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carefulfrog/pseuds/carefulfrog
Summary: Annie opens up to Britta about her ex-boyfriend.
Relationships: Annie Edison/Other
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Past Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i don't really know the correct warnings for this? alcohol, mentions of addiction and sex (except not addictions to sex) but i wanted to write it, it's my attempt at angst and an idea as to why annie is so ... annie :P

It had been Annie's idea to invite Britta round.

She loved living with Troy and Abed, but sometimes she wished she could have someone else in the group with her- she sometimes got the feeling she was third wheeling, and them always going into the Dreamatorium or watching a movie without her she had a lot of time alone. So she suggested to her roommates that they have a guest, and they were happy to comply, since Annie had agreed to cook for all of them. The apartment had been cleaned, the floor cleared, and Annie was determined to be included and understand every conversation at the table. And, when Britta arrived, she was sure that she was going to have a good night.

\---

Britta had decided that it was a good idea to bring alcohol, since she had some from the week before and she was almost certain that there wouldn't be any at the apartment. She had brought some Smirnoff, and even though it was half empty she figured there'd be more than enough to make the evening more interesting. Walking up to the door, she knocked twice. Before she had the chance to step back, the door swung open, with Annie standing in the doorway. Troy and Abed were behind her, both lounging on the sofa. She assumed that Annie had told them not to dress up, and for once she didn't feel underdressed, which was a change. The pair barely looked up, although she heard a half hearted, "Hey, Britta", before Troy's attention was brought back to the show on screen. She diverted her gaze back to Annie, who had been staring at the bottle in her hand.  
"Hey, Annie," she started, "Thanks for.. all this!" Annie blinked at her, making eye contact as she smiled,

"Sure!" She stepped back, gesturing for Britta to come in. Britta complied, walking through as she stared around at the surprisingly clean place.

"Have you tidied or something? This seems way cleaner than usual." She commented. Annie seemed to brighten as she replied. 

"Yeah! You noticed? I thought it might brighten the mood a little." She walked through to the kitchen, where Britta could smell a pie cooking. She smiled as she looked around, putting down her things on the worktop as she leaned against it. She put her elbows against the counter, before catching Annie's small look of disapproval and crossing her arms instead. "It should be done soon." Annie said, taking out some plates, then handed them to Britta. "Lay the table, will you?" she asked, then turned to the cutlery before getting a reply. Britta sighed internally, but did as she asked, noticing that Troy and Abed were still flopped over the sofa. Mentally ranting about the misogyny of it all, but figuring it would just be impolite, she went back to get glasses.

just as she finished with the table, Annie cried, "Dinner's ready!". Troy cheered, dragging Abed with him as they sat at the table. 

\---

Britta had enjoyed the pie, and her friend's company, but she was running out of energy as the night grew longer. She felt slightly jealous of Abed as Troy dragged him to bed, wishing the two of them to have sweet dreams- "But make them interesting, with good plots or there's no point!"- leaving her and Annie to talk on their own.

Britta smiled at her as both their eyes wandered towards the vodka.

"So, uh-" Annie started, eyes meeting hers as she started, "Do you wanna do shots, or something?"

Britta laughed internally, but not at Annie's hesitancy. She had never really seen herself as doing shots with a friend, who was a girl, and not at some large party full of people she'd never meet again. Also, she didn't think this setting really called for them (not to mention she'd forgotten shot glasses for some reason). 

"Well, we could just mix it with something. Do you have any orange juice?" She stood up as she asked, already heading for the fridge. Annie didn't bother going with her, instead reaching for the bottle. Before Britta even opened the door, she stared as Annie confidently took off the lid and started drinking it straight. Britta barely had time to react as Annie choked, then put the bottle down as she spluttered. "What- why would you do that?!" Britta half laughed, half admonished as she took out a carton for herself. 

"I didn't think it'd be that _strong_ ," she defended weakly, catching her breath. "do people drink this willingly?" 

"Yeah, with the mixers I was going to add." Britta replied, as Annie stared blankly at the juice on the table. "It makes them taste better? Like, less of what you just had."

"Well, whatever." Annie responded, seeming unhappy that she'd managed to mess up drinking. Britta poured in the vodka, deciding not to bother with ice since it took extra effort to get it which she wasn't willing to give (besides, it wasn't like Annie would know any better). She frowned at the bottle as she poured a couple of inches in.

"How much did you have?" She questioned, reaching for the orange juice. 

"I don't know." Annie replied, meekly looking at the bottle like it had threatened her. "I just tried to see how much I could have. I didn't really measure it out." Britta didn't have the energy to do the math. She just shrugged, and chugged down her drink as well. She was determined to not be the most sober. She hated it. Realising that they had just been discussing alcohol for the last couple of minutes instead of an interesting subject, she decided to start the conversation herself. 

"So, any life-long secrets?" She joked, already feeling stupid saying it. "I mean- anything that you haven't told anyone before?" Annie frowned as she stared at the table. Britta wondered if she had a lot of secrets, or if she was trying to think of any. She hoped it was the first option.   
  
"I guess I've never talked about Brad," Annie began, "The guy who, well-

"Your first!" Britta guessed. Annie blushed slightly, looking like she regretted bringing it up. "I mean, yeah! Go for it, spill." Britta encouraged, not meaning to embarrass her. 

"I wasn't really sure what I was doing," Annie started, not making eye contact as she fiddled with a fork. "I mean, I knew what was going to happen. He'd made it kinda clear. And I was okay with it, y'know? I wanted it- I mean, I was young, and determined, and everyone seemed to think I was just some goody-two-shoes that always did what she was told and was too sweet and immature to even know about those kind of things. I guess that added to it- it was another secret, another thing I got away with that wasn't what people expected.

"I think I wanted to, at the start. I knew I liked him, and even though it felt pretty one sided I figured he liked me the same amount to go through with it. So when it was actually happening I don't think I fully processed it. I didn't really know what was happening- especially in the dark- and I guess it was bad enough for him to tell me to stop. That kinda hurt. I mean, it definitely hurt. But it was over anyway. He didn't seem like it had bothered him at all, which was probably the thing I remember the most. Like I didn't even matter, like what had happened didn't matter.   
  
"And then, well, he didn't really care. He broke up with me-" she paused, laughing a little to herself, without any real humour- "over text, and wouldn't answer anything after that. I was just a prom fling, a final test. Maybe I was his breaking point, right? His last check box, just making sure. A little experiment. A test." Her tone of voice had turned bitter. Britta didn't think she should interrupt. "I mean, why wouldn't he want to make sure? He wanted to know, and he needed someone to sleep with to find out. And I was there, practically waiting on cue. We'd been together just long enough for it not to be rushed, and it wasn't like I said no." Her voice wavered slightly as she continued, her volume rising.

"I never once complained when he was rude. Or when he ignored me, or when he was so clearly doing it wrong. I didn't ask for more attention than days on read, or never showing any affection in public, or carrying the conversation for once. And then he ended it, and I didn't even complain then. I tried to tell myself that I didn't even really care for a while. It was just another thing that had happened. Anyway, maybe I was too focused on schoolwork. Or maybe it was the whole Adderall situation peaking. But after a couple of months, it got to the point where I signed myself into rehab. I mean, I had to, despite what my parents tried to tell me. So I got better, which took a while but it was worth it, and then I signed up to Greendale. For a new start. And I had new relationships, and new friends, and I'm glad I did, obviously-" she added, looking up at Britta. She didn't know what to say, so she gave a half smile as reassurance. Annie continued.

"-But, sometimes I wonder what'd've happened if I didn't do it, right?" I mean, I know it definitely affected me more than I like to think. I-" her voice caught slightly as she continued. "I guess, maybe I wouldn't have been so determined to be better after it all? I wanted to be a good student, and daughter, and everything like I could make up for slipping up. I felt so awful after and I didn't even know why. Everyone has sex, right?" Britta opened her mouth to defend that, but Annie carried on. "Everyone ends up getting with their high school boyfriends and having fun and a little story to joke about with their kids, or whatever, and then it's all behind them, and it's not like anything bad happened. I was in control the entire time. I knew what I was doing. I could have backed out at any time, said something, but I didn't. It was such a stupid, stupid mistake." She paused for a moment. Britta was quiet. She didn't know what to say. She could tell that Annie hadn't talked about it before, but it seemed that she hadn't expected to open up about it so quickly. Annie blinked back tears as she continued, whispering like they were being listened to by someone they couldn't see.

"I still feel him sometimes." Britta's gaze, which had awkwardly wandered to the door, snapped back to Annie's as she frowned. "I try to ignore it, but then there'll be moments when I feel like he's there, or like he's-" her voice faltered. "He's with me, or it's happening again. I'll hear a phrase and he'd've said it before, or I'll see his favourite colour or his old car and it's not a big thing. But I feel so horrible for those minutes, and I hate that he'll just ruin my mood without being here. Without doing anything. And I don't know how to make it stop." Seeming to have reached her conclusion, she sighed shakily as she wrapped her hands around her head. Leaning forward, she but her elbows on her knees and closed her eyes.

Britta didn't really know what to say. She was never the best at bonding with people, or helping in general, really. That was one of the reasons she'd chosen Psychology- so she had some way of being able to understand people that made sense. She tried to ignore how slow her thoughts were becoming, and instead thought of a good response to Annie's outburst. She opened her mouth, but no still couldn't think of any words. So, closing it awkwardly, she did the next thing she could think of, and walked off.

Before Annie could notice, since she still had her head in her knees, she walked over to the pile of blankets Troy and Abed had been lounging on. Picking up a pillow, she clenched it as she walked back, sitting on the ground as she looked up at her friend. "Hey," she said softly, seeing that Annie had started to quietly weep. "I got this for you. And I've got you, too. And you have me." She almost shoved her face into the pillow at how convoluted her words were becoming- why couldn't she just make a simple declaration of love, and support, without messing it up? Instead, she gently nudged the pillow near Annie's fists, seeing her eyes open slightly. Annie wrinkled her face as she looked at her, breath stuttering as she hesitantly took it. Britta smiled softly, then stood up from the floor.

Annie's gaze followed her as she made a small notion to stand with her. Hesitantly, she stood too, looking unsure of what Britta was trying to do. Britta wasn't that sure either. She simply took Annie's hand, and walked over to the blankets. Bringing Annie down with her, she flopped onto them, relaxing into the pile. Annie gave a small squeak, but went along with it. Britta opened her mouth, and this time words came out. 

"I'm sorry that happened." Annie didn't respond, but instead curled into Britta, closing her eyes again. "I wish I could do more than this, but right now I don't really know what to do." Even though honesty was the best tactic, she still felt bad as she continued. "Even if you don't see it as a bad thing, it still hurt you. It still hurts. And even though neither of us can change the past, I'm right here in the present. And I plan on being there in your future, too. I can't imagine mine without you, Or any of the study group." Annie made a small sigh, as if in agreement. "Well. maybe Pierce. I could do without him." She wrinkled her nose as she went on. "Point is, I'm going to do my best to be here for you. And make sure you're safe, because you're my friend, and-" now it was her time to choke up as she admitted, "- I love you. All of you." Annie was still quiet as she leant against her. Britta felt herself go pink as she stared at Annie, wondering if she was going to acknowledge what she'd just said. To her surprise, Annie was asleep in her embrace.  
  
She smiled softly to herself, wondering how much she'd heard. And what she'd meant. 

**Author's Note:**

> i,,, wanted this to be an angsty fic. and yet, it turned out to be soft in the end?? anyways, i hope you enjoyed. i might write annie's pov, if you want. any interactions are appreciated!! ^^


End file.
